I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
