Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
