Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize