How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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