guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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