I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
