Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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