God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I wish you could order shots online.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
