I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
