tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
