Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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