No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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