I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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