So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
