North Korea, Best Korea!
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
