I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
