i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
