Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
