The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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