i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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