After last night, I could never be a politician.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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