Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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