bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
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