as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
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