whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
