I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
