Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
