i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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