Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
