So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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