Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
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Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize