Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
