At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
