he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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