maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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