a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
