I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize