We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
