new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
