dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously