i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.