I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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