i already hear my dad disowning me
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
