turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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