Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
