so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
