just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
BRING THE BAGELS
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
