**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
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You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
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I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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