The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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