now i know why i became what i already was.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize