i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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