Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
