She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
