It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
