There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We need to rekindle our bromance
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
