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Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
